Cheers, God!

Dear God,

Does my friend, Deedee, know how often and how fondly I think of her? If you are, indeed, preparing a place for all of us with you in eternity, then she is with you now, somewhere outside of time.

I found a little note she wrote to me on one of my old schoolbooks. That was over 25 years ago, and she's been gone for a few years now too, but I still think about her and admire her.

Please, if she doesn't already know, please, God, tell her that I miss her, and I love her. Tell her I regret that we didn't stay in touch. Tell her that I wish I'd been a better friend. Tell her how awesome I think she is. In high school she seemed so frail, so needy, and then after high school she was diagnosed with MS, and amazed me with her strength, courage, and positive attitude.

She was a wonderful mother. Her wheelchair didn't diminish the love and care she was able to give her little girl. Today, I'm smiling and feel warm inside because of Deedee. Please tell her so.

Dear God,

Thank you for all the reassuring messages this week, and for the help from friends. I did something differently than I usually do, and I called my friends and admitted to them that I was afraid. I reached out for help, and you and they came through and helped give me some peace this week.

I am so grateful.

Dear God,

I went to the dentist today, and received the news I was most afraid to receive. I have to have a tooth pulled. I know that's not such a big deal in the scheme of things, but for me it's a big freakin' scary deal!

It hit me hard at first. I shook, I broke out into a sweat, and when I was alone I cried. Thursday is the day of the extraction, and I'm feeling okay now. Mostly.

I've known enough, long enough, about how you work to know that I should be careful how I pray! When I asked you to make me strong, I didn't mean I wanted situations to come my way in which I'd have the opportunity to develop strength. No, God, I meant I want you to wave your magic wand and make me different, in an instant. I so wish you worked that way.

I can see, that a tooth extraction really is a small thing compared to all the things I could have to endure, and I can see that when I come through it, I will have a little more confidence in my ability to deal with challenges. I can see it, but I don't have to like it, do I?

So, today, I'm asking you to help me to not dwell on my fear but to remember that I really am a strong person. I've given birth, after all! If I can handle that a little tooth should be a breeze, right? Help me to keep this in perspective, to not let it become a big monster in my life. In the dentist's chair, help me to not cry, help me to be peace, right there, in that moment, and I'm talking about the kind of peace Jesus had in the middle of the storm when he slept while his homies were freaking out. Let me be peaceful, like Jesus.

Dear God,

I'm feeling overwhelmed by life, which makes me feel silly because I'm not dealing with any major crises, just the regular stuff people deal with, getting their kids to school on time, paying the bills, making dentist and doctor appointments, trying to get dinner on the table and laundry put away. I have a few annoying, but not life threatening health issues that bring me down (still hoping for answers and or a complete healing, still hoping! Please, God?) It all seems so hard, though. Why do I have such a difficult time coping? Why do I want to run away or hide under my covers?

I'm ashamed to say, though, that if I weren't feeling overwhelmed and scared, I don't think I'd be talking to you right now. Fear and a need to find peace has always been my biggest spiritual motivator. Without those things, I just go about my hedonistic, pleasure seeking, way. But life isn't at all pleasing right now, and those "comforts" that help me escape have a way of making things worse.

Please forgive me for ignoring you so much of the time. I know I've asked a thousand times to be forgiven for that, and as fickle as I am, you are faithful. I know you love and understand me. I don't know why you made me this way, so neurotic, so easily overwhelmed, but maybe I'm being unkind. I wish I could see myself the way you see me.

Please help me this week as I deal with appointments to try and get some of this health stuff worked out. I'm afraid. Make me strong. Give me peace. Help me feel better physically so I can get on with tackling some of the things I've been running away from. I need strength. I need hope.

Help me, please.

Dear God,

I want to be closer to you. I know this is possible because there have been times when I have felt your presence so surely that my fears melt away, and even now, I must admit, when I cry out to you my fear dissolves. Should that prove to me that you are real, and that you really care about me? Or is it a trick I play on myself?

During the times I've felt closest to you, I've had to work at it. I read my bible, I prayed, I studied, I praised you. Sometimes I think, why do I have to do all the work? Yeah, yeah, I hear you. What do you mean YOU do all the work. Who created The Universe where you live?

I've just realized one thing that might be keeping me from spending the time I need to reconnect with you. In the time it has taken me to write the two short paragraphs above I have been interrupted four separate times by four different people. I have no space to myself. Unless I leave and hide in my car or go sit in the bathroom,...oh wait. Not even the bathroom is sacred for us moms. Unless I really work at creating time or space,...

And there is interruption number FIVE coming from my youngest.

Sigh.

I'll try again tomorrow.